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Ahhh, that Murphy

Murphy is stagering home from the pub after a long night of drinking, alas with one foot up on the curb, and the other down in the gutter. The policeman on patrol recognizes him and shouts, "Murphy! Get outta the street! You've one foot on the sidewalk, and one in the gutter! You're stinkin" drunk!" To which Murphy replies, "Ahhh, thank Jesus! I thought I was crippled!"

Later, Murphy comes up to another policeman and shouts "Occifer! Someone stole me car!" The cop asks, "Now Murphy, where was it last time ye saw it?" To which Murphy replies, "It was attached to this here key!"

The officer then looks down and notices Murphy"s manhood hanging out and says to him, "Now Murphy, are you aware you are exposing yourself??" To which Murphy replies, "....And they stole me girl, too!!"